May 30, 2008 11:30 pm
Dear L:
It's almost too awful to put into words, but tonight I had such an awful conversation with KD on the phone that I'm actually worried. I've double-locked my doors and put on all the lights outside, because I'm worried that KD might, in his rage, try to get into the house. It's not that he's ever done something like that before, but rather that he was so abusive, verbally, and so irrational, so impossible to speak to in ordinary, honest and direct language, and also that I know that he plans to come over here--he asked me to put a shirt that belongs to him in a bag outside so that he can pick it up. I put it in the bag and hung the bag from the outside of the fence around my front porch (he had asked me to put it on the porch, but I don't want him to come that close to me). In it I put a note that I had to rewrite three times that said:
Your behavior tonight was abusive, irrational, rude, and wholly unwarranted. I do not deserve this treatment and will not take it any more. I am angry and disgusted, frankly.
I really am beginning to think that everything that his last girlfriend said about him, and everything that he says she said about him, is true. I understand now why she wanted to get a restraining order against him. He's really frightening, really nasty, really violent in his temper. I think he must hate women deep down--and that he is really just full of himself, full of ego.
The conversation is not all that easy to reconstruct because he was so irrational--his responses to what I was trying to tell him. I had confessed that I believed that he had no real genuine interest in me, no real desire and that this was hard for me to say. Instead of hearing what I was saying and responding to it, he lashed into me, accusing me of doing things (such as dating various persons) which he knew very well I was not doing and had no interest in doing. Maybe he was drunk. I don't know.
I called a friend of mine, a man who has spent many years in Asia and who has thought about these things a lot--and described KD's words and behaviors. He said that Kevin was classically abusive, derisive of women, and driven by arrogance. KD is the kind of man who thinks that every woman wants him. Remember how he used to brag about me? He probably still does.
At any rate, he was terribly abusive and mean and nasty and I am never going to speak to him again. I want to let you know now what has happened--just in case he starts spreading terrible rumors about me or, goddess forbid, in case he comes here tonight and something awful happens. I will not answer his calls and will not come to the door, so I should be okay. But I will say that I'm worried and a little bit afraid.
Dear L:
It's almost too awful to put into words, but tonight I had such an awful conversation with KD on the phone that I'm actually worried. I've double-locked my doors and put on all the lights outside, because I'm worried that KD might, in his rage, try to get into the house. It's not that he's ever done something like that before, but rather that he was so abusive, verbally, and so irrational, so impossible to speak to in ordinary, honest and direct language, and also that I know that he plans to come over here--he asked me to put a shirt that belongs to him in a bag outside so that he can pick it up. I put it in the bag and hung the bag from the outside of the fence around my front porch (he had asked me to put it on the porch, but I don't want him to come that close to me). In it I put a note that I had to rewrite three times that said:
Your behavior tonight was abusive, irrational, rude, and wholly unwarranted. I do not deserve this treatment and will not take it any more. I am angry and disgusted, frankly.
I really am beginning to think that everything that his last girlfriend said about him, and everything that he says she said about him, is true. I understand now why she wanted to get a restraining order against him. He's really frightening, really nasty, really violent in his temper. I think he must hate women deep down--and that he is really just full of himself, full of ego.
The conversation is not all that easy to reconstruct because he was so irrational--his responses to what I was trying to tell him. I had confessed that I believed that he had no real genuine interest in me, no real desire and that this was hard for me to say. Instead of hearing what I was saying and responding to it, he lashed into me, accusing me of doing things (such as dating various persons) which he knew very well I was not doing and had no interest in doing. Maybe he was drunk. I don't know.
I called a friend of mine, a man who has spent many years in Asia and who has thought about these things a lot--and described KD's words and behaviors. He said that Kevin was classically abusive, derisive of women, and driven by arrogance. KD is the kind of man who thinks that every woman wants him. Remember how he used to brag about me? He probably still does.
At any rate, he was terribly abusive and mean and nasty and I am never going to speak to him again. I want to let you know now what has happened--just in case he starts spreading terrible rumors about me or, goddess forbid, in case he comes here tonight and something awful happens. I will not answer his calls and will not come to the door, so I should be okay. But I will say that I'm worried and a little bit afraid.
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