Oy.

So, I went back to him. I convinced myself that I would be better off with him than without him. But I am not so sure now. He's in China. I miss him, yes, but...not very much. Not as much as I thought I would. Actually, I did miss him at first. But then he called and I blurted out all the stories I thought I needed to tell him.Then I stopped, and waited for him to say the comforting words that I was certain he had to tell me. But they didn't come. There was silence. And then he started to tell me about his travels and so forth. And he complained that he hasn't been able to speak to me every single day since he's been gone.

Today there were two messages from him on my cell phone. In both of them he complains that it is hard to get hold of me. And he sounds irritated. I actually feel harrassed. Or suffocated. If you are feeling suffocated by someone who is in CHINA, for god's sake... I want to tell him, and will tell him: Look, B., you're in CHINA. Enjoy the experience! Don't be so tied to me! Let go a little, have a life! Give me some space. I'm actually feeling the need to get some space from someone who is in China. All because I don't happen to carry my cell phone with me 24 hours a day.

Not good, not good.

there is more to tell, but not now.